I can draw stick people!

I haven't blogged in a long time. I keep saying I'm going to do it more, but I end up just continuing to scribble things in random notebooks and hiding them away from the light of day. I don't know why I do this, and have decided it's silly. I think it's effective to write like no one else in the world will ever see it, because it makes you more honest. But if you actually never let anyone see it ever, what's the point? That's like, I don't know...taking a blind person to see the Mona Lisa. Not that I'm Da Vinci, or the literary equivalent of Da Vinci. Wow....this paragraph got away from me quickly.

Anyway, this is me, returning to putting things out there, fear of derision be damned. I mean, I held a goddamned scorpion last year. Okay, it was in an exhibit at the Puyallup Fair, but I did it.

<<--- Blurry, photographic proof of scorpion-holding.

I can totally handle anonymous internet criticism/mockery/trolling, right? Okay, the scorpion was probably the easier foe. But I have decided that the self-doubt spider (it's a spider and not a scorpion because spiders are FUCKING. SCARY.) is not going to keep me from doing things I really love to do. And I really, really love writing. I do a lot of it, and I'm tired of not sharing it.

Okay, intro to first blog post in a whole bunch of months? Check. So, once I decided that I should really start doing this blogging thing again, like I have been telling myself I will for nearly a year, I started digging through my notebooks and random drawings. I will preface this by stating that I am most definitely NOT a super-talented, awesome artist. I can draw things, but it will take me far longer than a normal, really great at drawing just about anything type of person. And it still won't look as great as what said talented person could probably churn out in 10 minutes. I say this to explain why my drawings will look like either a.) intentionally bad cartoon drawings or b.) stick people only slightly better than what you probably drew when you were seven.

That said, I fell in love with drawing and writing things via the "Paper" app on my iPad. I started using this as a convenient way to jot down random observations and happenstances throughout the day. And since I'm also kind of lazy and haven't finished any of the things I've been writing recently, I decided to share these sketches with you. I won't subject you to my unbelievably bad handwriting (Which is also only slightly better than that of a seven year old). Instead, I've cropped out the pictures and am transcribing the actual writing part for your improved reading pleasure. I'm thoughtful like that.

May 31st, 2013

Kurt told William he deserved a million pancakes for his birthday. William responded "If someone gave me a million pancakes I'd be like 'Man, you're a dick!'"

May 31st, 2013

2 years ago I suffered from a great deal of work drama which, like a soap opera, seemed to only ever manage to get to the brink of resolution. Today, this is the only drama that occurred:

June 3rd, 2013

William was wondering out loud when restaurants began, and how the first one came about. I suggested that it probably all started with people selling food on the streets for a bit of extra cash. William responded that this must have been it. He said that one day one the guys must have said "Hey! We should do this INSIDE!"

I promise longer entries later. I have a lot of longer entries, I'm just not so good at the whole finishing thing. Actually, I started writing something about how I am awesome at starting projects but not so good with the finishing...it's not finished yet.

Deep thoughts by Jack Handey

This popped into my head today, and I thought I wold share it again, for anyone who hasn't seen it: Why IS North up?

Equality street

Yes sir, captain tight pants!

Firefly nerds opinion needed! Should I go as Kalee or River for comic con? This will be my first year dressing up, and only my 3rd year attending. My Zelda princess costume feels a little like overkill, and I think I'm not quite brave enough. That, or I've been watching waaaay too much 'Firely' lately. Opinions? Right now I'm leaning toward River because I'm lazy, and it just involves a dress, combat boots, and fake weapons...

Let's build a snowman...

Cookie exchange/chance to win work prizes Friday at work. With my rudimentary baking skills, would this be too ambitious? Also...do cake pops count as cookies?

early new year resolution...

blog more.

Sometimes you need a bunny

A couple weeks ago I learned that a friend of mine passed away suddenly of an overdose. Because this has been tapping me on the shoulder since I first heard the news, because I like having a single repository where I can dig up these things when I want to, because I'm lazy, but mostly because I couldn't write anything better if I tried...for Jeffy. I wish I could have said goodbye.

I am still reeling from the news of this morning. Nevermind that I never knew you as well as I would have liked. Nevermind that there are those who are hurting over this far more than I am, or than I could ever comprehend. That doesn't make anything any easier for me, and this is one of the hardest deaths I have had to come to terms with (a sentence no one wants to utter but we all end up having to at some tragic fucking point in life.) nothing feels safe or solid right now, it has hit me with the force of an uncaring, unfeeling train speeding down the tracks that anyone and anything we know could be snuffed out in the blink of an eye.

There are no condolences or tired cliches that can make it alright, or soften the impact of someone just being suddenly fucking gone. We throw around placating standards, "remember the good times" and "they wouldn't want you to be sad". None of it helps, really. There is nothing that can be said or done to erase the cold, stark fact that we are all so fragile, that anything you love could be snatched away in an instant without any warning or signal of hard times ahead. No matter how good you are, we are all just chemicals, synapses, volatile forces that could collapse without any sign or premonition. At any moment, everything could be left unfinished, unwritten. That's not to say that I am not trying to take some good from this, to try and make sense of something that is just so completely fucking senseless. But, for the moment, I am giving into this sadness. Because, above all else, you deserve to be mourned, and missed. It's the least I can do. Work was crazy today. It's been dead (no pun intended, and that's not meant to be a joke in bad taste) all week, and then today it was just phone call after phone call after phone call. Everyone needed and wanted something, and it didn't stop. It's like the universe knew that this is what I needed to make it through the day.

That happened when my grandmother was toward the end. Still overcome with the shock of seeing her in a deteriorated state, so very different from the one I had known my entire life. I walked out into the cold, stark white hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks. Sniffling furiously, I suddenly noticed a bunny sitting in a basket in the hallway. Wiping away tears I asked in a stuffy, tear-soaked, wavering voice "is that a real bunny?" The nurse responded, "yes." and asked if I would like to hold him. He snuggled up beneath my chin, his soft fur rubbing against my skin and his tiny, perfect nose twitching in what was probably, in reality fear. But when his enormous eyes fixed on me I felt comforted, in a way that no human could ever comfort you, so soundlessly. Sometimes, the universe just knows you need a bunny.

To all of you close that are hurting today, I hope you have your bunny. It will never be okay, but someday it won't hurt so fucking much.

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